feh

April 21st, 2004

piper, between the move and the multiple computers and the deleting email, I seem to have lost yours. Please please please mail me again. Thanks hon.

Also, that space needle image needs to go, doesn’t it?

*update. I changed both hosts and cmses (how do you properly say content management systems in acronym form?) and have lost the original date that went with this entry…

The Story According to Me

April 2nd, 2004

So although he tells it well, here’s my version of the thing…

Yes we met on the internet. No, it was not a dating site or one of those singles/personals bulletin boards. It was this IRC network that we’ve both been hanging out in for several years. Hanging out in, but not so much talking to each other, or interracting with each other at all really. One day someone pastes a link to his site in the channel. I click. There are pictures and I take note – he’s cute. I coninue to click in my online stalker way. Go through all the photos with the specific intention of looking for a female presence in his life. Click, click, click. Awww damn. It’s not immediately apparent – he has nothing declaring “the love of my life, _____,” but there is a girl. So I cross him off in my internal list of possibilities and move on.

Soon after my stalk-fest we talk a bit. I don’t recall why, or how, but I probed about the girl in the photos. He seemed squirmy and I resumed my quest. It was obvious to me he didn’t think she was the answer to all his questions.

So we talk a little more. Things move fast. One day we’re talking about how a burger needs to built in exactly the right order, ensuring proper heat distribution in order to melt the cheese while keeping the tomato cool and lettuce crisp, and a couple of weeks later we decide we absolutely must meet.

Somewhere between the two he becomes single (no, that has nothing to do with me… it was coming). In February I magically (for the first time in my postal employment history) am handed a 3-day weekend. Found out I had the weekend off thursday morning, invited myself to his place, and by thursday night I was in his arms. And everything was perfect . And safe. And wonderful.

And then I had to go home, and it wasn’t wonderful anymore. DIstance doesn’t work for me. It’s hard for anything to go anywhere when you are thousands of miles apart. So one day I’m at work talking to him via IM on my phone when I realize it’s not working.

“The more I think about it, the more I wonder why I’m still here.” At that point all I could think about was the fact that we weren’t together and how much my heart hurt because of that.

Yes, Mark. Sappy. Shut it.

So I decide to move. And even though next week I cross the border to a new home, last week I went up to see him again. The weedend was fantastic. We went snowboarding and stayed in a hotel in the mountains. It was fabulous – sun and snow and mountains for miles. And falling and bruises and ouch. But still, totally amazing.

Today I pack. He arrives tonight. I’ll drive up to the airport in BC. Tomorrow we play tourist in Seattle, and Sunday we will pack/clean/get ready to leave. Sometime next week we should be on our way to Calgary. So fast.

So happy.

The Cherry Blossoms

April 2nd, 2004

Seattle will always be special.

I came out here looking for something. I didn’t know what, but I knew that staying in Hawaii wasn’t getting me any closer to it. Have I ever explained why I left hawaii? It probably has less to do with its being Hawaii, but more to do with the complacency that comes when you don’t finish school and can’t seem to get it together to pursue the things you love. Or even to figure out what those things may be. So you go to work and you come home and you hope something fun and exciting will happen, only it never does because waiting for life to happen isn’t the way you’re supposed to live. Something had to change.

So I came to Seattle. Ish. Technically I’ve never /lived/ in Seattle, but it’s close enough that I can write this entry and pretend and you all will just nod in agreeance. Okay? Anyhow, Seattle. It’s beautiful and perfect, even with the rain, which really isn’t so bad at all. It does stop. That’s a secret you know. Seattle people have made up the rain rumor so the rest of you don’t head out to invade. But shhh. I didn’t tell you that.

Things went well out here. I found work within a week of arriving. I bought a car. I got a nice job with the postal service. I learned that I deserve more than what I had, and ended the 5 year relationship that had dwindled to non-conversations consisting of grunts and “where’s the remote?” I learned that the world doesn’t end when things change and they don’t appear to be going your way.

It was my first apartment alone. By myself. I had a decent job, paid my bills, and on occasion, cooked a hot meal. My place. Well, me and the cats. But they were my cats! All mine! I could walk around in my underwear whenever I wanted to, leave my dirty laundry on the bathroom floor, and even use the bathroom with the door open. And today I pack it all up. Your first apartment is always a Big Deal. I’m sad that my parents never got to see it.

A couple of weeks ago the cherry blossoms were in bloom. Bursting with fluff and color. Those trees are amazing, you know. The different shades of pink are striking against the blue sky. Sure we don’t get many blue skies around here, but while the trees were in bloom we seemed to have perfect skies. Perfect weather. That was Seattle kissing me goodbye.

Since last week the flowers have dropped. The sidewalks and streets are littered with the mush of decaying flower petals. It’s time for me to go.