I’m pretty sure I don’t need to put a disclaimer on this. You all know I’m writing it. You all know he’s unable to defend himself, unless he posts a comment and I approve it. This is *my* website. Don’t think less of him because of what I write. I’m just telling the story, one-sided as it may be. And I love him, even when I get mad.
Maybe he doesn’t get it because he has never had to face a mirror and feel the piercing discontent that accompanies fat knees and cellulite. He doesn’t have unwelcomed facial hair, and he doesn’t know what it’s like to feel masculine when all you want to do is be overtly girly. Maybe you can’t understand it until you’ve been there. Or maybe I’m just one of those low self-esteemed girls he’s hoping to not father. Perhaps I’m just as shallow as he’s saying society has shaped me to be.
This morning on the radio there was discussion of a Mintel study that focused on teenagers and cosmetics. Although the teens in question were in the UK, I don’t think we can brush the results off as irrelevant in the US. (Or Canada, for that matter.) After reading off the results of the Mintel survey, which included the fact that “by the time girls reach 14 years old, around nine in ten regularly use make-up,” the radio announcer posed the question to listeners: What is the appropriate age for girls to start wearing make-up?
Sure there is no ONE answer to this. I even think the question should be restated to read “What age is a child before you will consider her being allowed to wear make-up out of the house?” Because you see, girls play with make-up. It’s dress up and fun and pink! And oooh lipstick! I can make lipstick kisses on paper! And sometimes when we go out with our mommies to fancy parties we dress up, with the pretty shoes and the girly hairdo, lip gloss will be envolved! And there are all kinds of variables here - each kid is different, each family is different, each community is different. So there is certainly an age range in which I think dealing with this issue is appropriate (aside from dress-up, anything below 10 is too early IMO.)
My husband and I found ourselves in heated debate on the subject. Raised voices and everything. Need I remind you that there are only boys growing up in this house? No girls.
You see etc has this real problem with popular culture. He has a problem with tv and commercials and marketing and ads in magazines. He hates Jessica Simpson and did I say hate? Okay, no. He hates the idea that someone who doesn’t know that “ballerino” IS NOT A WORD is somehow idolized by little girls everywhere. And he doesn’t like the message sent by mass media regarding cosmetics. He thinks women are taught that unless they have make-up on, they aren’t good enough. He thinks that scantily-clad celebrities who bare their midriffs (the kamehameha dress code will never, ever leave me) teach women that unless they look like *that* they will not be complete.
While I agree with a lot of this, there is one problem I have with his logic. What’s worse - prohibiting your daughter from wearing make-up because you think she’s too young? Or the social backlash she may feel if she were to actually obey you and not wear make-up? Yeah I know it seems like I’m blowing this completely out of proportion. My closest friends all wore make-up in high school. If I were to not wear any, they’d ask why. They’d suggest I try some. If I was too young to understand the right reasons for wearing make-up, I was surely too young to be able to defend my decision not to.
He also made the remark that hair grows back, in response to green hair and “unconventional” haircuts. I wish every school had a dress code. Blue hair was not allowed at my high school. It was that simple.
Now - I ask you… If you are of the belief that hair grows back, and therefore you will allow your kids to do whatever the hell they want with their hair, wtf is wrong with make-up?? It washes off way easier than trying to return color to hair that’s been stripped before the manic panic. For him it’s all about the “message” that we send our teens. The message that says “wear eyeshadow, it will make you happy.”
Ask a kid with blue hair why he did it. You won’t get an original response. And more often then not, “I like it” will be somewhere between the “uhms” and “welllls.” The decision-making that goes into funny hair isn’t any different than the one that tells girls that her friends are wearing make-up, maybe she should too.
So then we get to the part of the argument that applies to me, because after all, “what about me?” If he’s so anti cosmetics, based on the fact that women are taught that they cannot be beautiful without them… What does that say about me? I don’t wear make-up everyday. Heck I don’t even wear it once a week. But I do wear it. I like to wear make-up. I like to buy make-up. I like the colors and textures and smells. I like to feel pretty and confident and good about myself. I wouldn’t dare go to a job interview without any on. Why do I iron my clothes? Why do I brush my hair? Because I want to look good, and I want to feel good about myself. Is it so wrong? Have I been brainwashed by popular culture because I don’t think it’s acceptable to leave the house looking like a slob? I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.
Does it matter? Will she grow out of it? If I teach her to apply it properly so that she doesn’t look like she’s working a street corner it shouldn’t be a big deal. He has “serious concerns” about the kind of girl who wants to wear make-up so that she can feel good about herself. Sure we should worry about our kids’ self-esteem. But those problems will present themselves before the make-up issue ever comes up. It’s a Big Deal for girls, akin to the driver’s license. Shaving my legs was a Big Deal for me as well. (Yes, I’m hairy.) Who gives a flying fuck if society has taught me that my hairiness is unbecoming. When you’re in the seventh grade and embarassed to let people see your legs, it’s seriously painful. Don’t you dare tell my daughter to “get over it.” She won’t.
The harm in all this mess is in judging others because of it. I know not everyone cares about how they look. The guy the next desk over may be a slob. He may not bathe regularly. He may not shave. Does that mean he doesn’t do quality work? He may be lackadaisical about his work habits, too, but the fact that he doesn’t iron his shirt doesn’t always mean that he doesn’t perform well on the job.
I wouldn’t judge a woman who doesn’t wear make-up. I hope to God you don’t judge me because I do.
