Children Are Not Dogs

Not that I need a disclaimer, but here it goes: I am not telling you how to raise your kids OR your dogs. I’m just sharing an opinion. In a neutral space. I am not debating it on the messageboard where the conversation began, I think that might be confrontational and totally off topic. It’s important that we have opinions.

A friend of mine wrote an entry on her blog recently that was spurred by her own love her her child and her belief in the parenting style that she (and I) have chosen. She also included the phrase, “Children aren’t dogs,” which I believe was a reference to a post on a list that we both belong to…  (EDITED:  Steph didn’t make the remark in response to the discussion, like she says in the comments.  And like I said, her entry was more to do with her beliefs wrt parenting our kids – where she *references* the remark.   I, however AM using the term in direct response to the posting.)

I also feel strongly about this, but in a way that she didn’t cover: Dogs are animals.

And do we really think that a conversation on a parenting list about dog training isn’t going to result in differing opinions? Dog training is a personal decision – one that, like our parenting styles, we (those of us who care about training our dogs) have strong, passionate feelings about.

And this is my feeling: In case you missed it the first time – DOGS ARE ANIMALS. They are not humans with fur. They don’t reason the way we do. They don’t need to have ribbons in their hair, and I don’t believe that they think that wearing such ribbons make them pretty. I believe that dogs need to be told who is boss. They need a leader because they are pack animals. If you let the dog be the leader, you end up wih a dog who may listen part of the time or not at all.

I suppose it’s really how you look at it. Positive-only dog trainers might be into positive-only child rearing. Treats. Rewards. I’m not into treat-based training and believe that it doesn’t do anything helpful but get the dog to do things for treats. If the dog isn’t hungry, you won’t get results. For similar reasons, Alfie Kohn, who wrote “Unconditional Parenting,” believes that rewards and praise are counter productive. The difference is that my child has reasoning skills. He knows that I don’t want him to bite me because it hurts me. (Okay, he can’t reason this NOW, but one day he will be able to.) The child will also be able to reason against the right choice: If the punishment for not putting the dishes away is having to do dishes for a week, and the child wants to be lazy NOW, he will reason that dishes later aren’t so bad. My dog, on the other hand knows not to bite simply because that’s the rule. She knows not to pull on the leash when we walk because I am the leader and will forcefully show her so if she were to pull ahead of me and try and challenge my position as leader.

I can’t yank on my child’s chain. I can’t just tell my child “I’m the leader. You follow,” and expect for it to work.

And as I wrote this, a new entry hit dooce. This is exactly why I’m not into treat based child rearing.

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Even if he were ugly I’d love him

But he’s not! He’s perfect and adorable!

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Spring.

We have spring. Actually, I think it feels more like summer now. We took this on a cooler day last week. Lately the long pants have been too much clothes for him.

As you can see here, he’s standing well now. He’s been able to pull himself up since we were in hawaii, but now he can do it without having something to hold on to – just squat to standing. He’s thinking seriously about walking and we’ve been having some sleep issues at night, so I think the walking is coming soon to a baby near us. He likes to push the big exercise ball around the house and walk behind it.

I go back to work in a month and seven days.  My year of government-sponsored new-mommy bliss is almost over.

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