Angels & Demons

So here’s my spoiler warning. I am totally going to tell you what happens in Dan Brown’s Angels and Demons. If you plan on reading this book, which I urge you not to do, because all you ever needed to know about this book is right here, aside from the quotes that had to do with alien testicle harvesting, but if you do plan on reading this book, even after seeing my warning, you should stop reading this entry now.

I have to admit that the only reason I finished this book was so that I could add another one to my tally. I’m famous for abandoning books midway. The Hobbit, the Shipping News, Digital Fortress (which, I have to say, what I’ve read of it I’ve enjoyed ten times more than this A&D crap) and the Binding Chair are all in various stages of unfinished. Lucky for me I have goals this year.

Anyhow, back to today’s book. Maybe my mistake was that I enjoyed the Da Vinci Code and expected to enjoy this one just as much. And I’m not saying it wasn’t lacking in entertainment value, because it was rather entertaining. And preachy in a drawn out sort of way. I mean, how many times are you going to give the science vs religion speech? Gurgle gurgle.

You know how they say that when you go in for a job interview, the interviewer makes his mind up in 30 seconds (or something) and then spends the rest of the interview attempting to harvest supporting evidence to make him more comfortble with that decision? I decided that this book was way too reminiscent of tdvc when our heroine’s father is axed and Langdon is called in to assist in the investigation. Pile on the Catholic church and the mysterious secret society and you have yourself a tdvc rough draft.

I am happy to say that the story did take off on its own path. The whole thing revolves around Langdon figuring out a treasure map before the sand in the timer runs out. The repetition of chasing down four cardinals in their secret locations at designated times is tiring. Of course, each location was different and Langdon had to do all sorts of thinking to arrive at them, but after hunting down the first one, and knowing that there were three more to find, I wondered how much more exciting it could get. It wasn’t THAT bad, but I would have rather a less symmetrical plot.

I didn’t take notes while reading, so there isn’t a lot I can comment on. But there is the end. What is there to say about this ending? The camerlengo, who we thought was good, but turns out (predictably) to be off his rocker, runs around the maze that is underground in vatican city, because all of a sudden(!) he knows where the antimatter is! Smart guy. Pulls the knowledge out of his butt just in the nick of time. And then what happens? After being branded (when I say branded, I mean with a hot metal thing, sizzling skin and all) by the “bad guy” he somehow manages to hijack a helicopter, take both the antimatter and Langdon up with him, and land on the ground after the antimatter explodes on the helicopter.

And Langdon – what happens to him? HE IS FOUND IN A RIVER. ALIVE. The guy jumped out of the helicopter without a parachute, clinging to some little piece of tarp, and somehow lives. And then you know what he does the very next day, after he’s been running all over Vatican city and has not slept in like over 24 hours? He has sex with the girl. Of course he does. He’s spent this entire day crimefighting with this girl. Her father was just killed and branded with an illuminati brand, and what does she want to do? HAVE SEX WITH ROBERT LANGDON.

I am not making this up. Blame this mess on Dan Brown.

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I’ve decided on a number.

Twenty five. That’s right, folks. The goal this year is twenty five. I’m allowed to count books that I’ve already completed this year, so without further ado, here’s the list thus far:

• 1. Generation X – Douglas Coupland
• 2. The Notebook – Nicholas Sparks
• 3. Tales From the Scale – Erin Shea

Wow. A whopping three books. This is precisely why I need to log this stuff. And really this entry needs to be what wp calls a “page,” since I will be updating it often. Link being added as we speak.

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Generation X

Okay, so I finished it this morning.

Andy, who, incidentally has a brother named Tyler, which made me go back and look at Shampoo Planet again, because that book was about a guy named Tyler, and both Tylers sort of resembled each other, but for those of you who were wondering, they don’t appear to be the /same/ Tyler, is a twentysomething guy living his life in a California desert. He and his friends, Claire and Dag lead directionless lives that make the reader lean towards jealous.

Just like Tobias was intrigued by Claire’s secret knowledge, I found myself feeling inadequate – like I had missed out on some party-based, meaningful twenties experience. I was envious of the friendship that the three main characters shared, of the fact that they didn’t seem to have money problems, and if they did, they didn’t care about them. I was envious of the storytelling that went on, of the fact that all three of them were intelligent enough to play. Really, how many of your friends would be capable of such conversation? Maybe I need a friend upgrade or something.

And then I realized why I can’t stand most of Coupland’s books. In past reviews, I wrote that I wasn’t comfortable with the “modern” tone of his stories. I’ve zeroed in on it even more – I don’t like the presumptuousness of the language. Coupland doesn’t seem to have any respect for history, for the past. His characters are all about paving a new way, about thinking that they are so much better than their parents.

It’s unfair of me to judge the author about his opinion of the past. I’m merely trying to explain what I don’t like about his books. I do have to say this, though: Even though I haven’t yet been satisfied by a Coupland book, I continue to read them. I’m drawn to them the way people are drawn to the scene of an accident. His language is great. His stories are original. I have never been able to figure out where any of his books were going to end. As an author you could say he’s done his job – even though I don’t love his books, I’m reading them all. Like a lifetime movie, except without the predictability. “All Families Are Psychotic” is next.

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