Not Crazy. I Am Not Crazy.

First let me assure you that I’m not actually crazy. Is denial the first phase?

1. Am entertaining the idea of going underground again. My writing has gotten stale since the whole “using my real name” thing happened.

2. Do the rest of my points matter now that I’ve said that? What do I do with this place? Yes as I sit here, thinking aloud to the keys, I do have to keep this site open because it is the gateway drug to news about the baby who is giant and is technically no longer a baby, but who I will continue to call a baby until I damn well please.

3. Okay since I brought up The Crazy, here it is: I mentioned the whole Elastic Waist thing last week. Since then I’ve been savoring “Anne’s” posts, reading them one by one, loving most of them in that way that I felt when I saw “The Business of Being Born,” because these tangible things, words (from jenfoo) and a movie (tbobb), made concrete the feelings that I’ve had and have never been able to either fully form or fully communicate. It’s a soothing release to be able to label your feelings with the appropriate emotions and file them away.

Sometimes, though, I’m afraid of labels. Like when jonah learns his colors. He could learn the word purple to describe something that is purple in color, but that has the potential to limit his thinking. Once he arrives at that word, purple, he could stop trying to think of other, possibly more appropriate labels. (Maybe now you can extrapolate what I’m talking about – colors, simple – to something more complex, like, say feelings.) Should we label our feelings? Does that limit our emotions? Or does being able to concisely describe our experience help us to file it away and move forward?

Apologies, back to not being crazy.

I’ve been reading a few entries every day, like the way I eat a couple of squares of nice chocolate every day. The bar stays tucked inside my desk drawer and I slip it out at afternoon tea time, break off a couple of squares, and slide it back in the drawer, where the rules are that the bar should not reappear until the following day’s tea time. But then I ran out of chocolate. And now all I have in my desk drawer are paper clips, pens, post-its and staples. Actual work things. No chocolate. Similarly, I sat down at my home computer last night, excited to unwrap new entries from Anne/jenfoo, when BAM… Page Load Error.

I have run out of chocolate.

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The Last to Know

So Jenfoo had weight-loss surgery. And it looks like I’m the last to know this. When Elastic Waist started, I knew it started – mopie informed her readers, but I sort of ignored the site. I certainly didn’t know who this Anne person was, so I guess I didn’t care to read anything that she had written.

But now, two years later, I realize I’m a dork and should have paid attention. This explains why jenfoo is no longer camera-shy and why she’s much thinner than I thought she was. I recall that years ago she mentioned not being what some of us would call “perfectly thin,” not that being thin makes anything perfect, but really I’m not asking you to judge me and my opinions… Anyhow. She’s now perfectly thin and I can’t help but be totally jealous. I feel like I’ve been left behind. I don’t know if it’s motivating or that sinking feeling you get when you realize you’re the largest girl in the room. Person in the room.

And I just realized there is a whole entire blog, oh how I hate that word(!), by jenfoo that i have missed.

I really want to completely give up tv. Of course I have to go back and read every single entry in that crazy stalker-like way of mine. The week before Lost starts. Are y’all following me here, because I’m not bothering to connect the dots.

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Santa Brought Technology

I got an iTouch for christmas, which Jim spent several hours working on. I believe “jailbreaking” is the proper term for what we’ve done to this puppy. So now I am able to run most of the iPhone apps. This means I can IRC and read email from my little iTouch. It’s an amazing little Pod of Christmas Joy.

In other news, I’m back on track with my workouts. I’m not yet posting on the other site, but let it be known to the Intarweb that I have now done a hardcore cardio workout for the past three days. And today we went snowboarding. And then I went to the gym. And I did lower body strength, which will surely hurt two days from now.

I have an interview tomorrow. Happy thoughts.

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