Not Mine.
The other morning I dropped Jonah off at school, and like every other morning, he was in charge of putting his lunch box into the bin of lunch boxes. He looked in the bin and noticed a piece of plastic. He became concerned and leaned over to fish the plastic piece out of the bin.
I thought he was just being obsessed with a new shiny thing. He saw something cool and wanted to play with it. I was mistaken.
“It’s Zoe’s,” he told me. Prior to that I didn’t know why he cared about it. I tried to tell him to just leave it in there; to not bother with taking it anywhere because eventually the owner would figure it out and see it when they dropped their lunch in the bin. My crotchety reaction was that we shouldn’t touch it because whoever dropped it will look in the bin as one of the steps back in the retracing process. Locating its owner seemed too much like work. AND I could imagine the daycare workers looking at me trying to explain where I got this seemingly unimportant piece of plastic and thinking “well what do you want me to do with it?”
Because this is the crazy that goes on in my head. Every day. I have no idea where it comes from. But it got me thinking about my son, and where his irrational thoughts will take root. Have they already? Am I too late? Is it inevitable?
Sometimes when we’re at the playground I don’t want to let him play with the other kids. I know that he needs to learn to deal with different personalities and temperaments in life beyond the playground, but it’s hard to stand there and watch him interact with other kids. He has this light in his eye and it hurts me to think that he will ever want to withdraw; that he will ever feel shitty about who he is. I know that he will face disappointment. That his heart will break. That he will be sad and feel lonely. And I don’t know how to deal with that. The worst part? I know that there will be times when it will be me who lets him down.
Now that it was Zoe’s I understood. He wanted to make sure she got it. He was being sweet and considerate and wanted to return this little piece of plastic to its rightful owner. So we took it upstairs to his teacher and they left it in Zoe’s cubby. Problem solved.
Sometimes parenting is harder than math.
Filed under Jonah, all about me | Comments OffHiking
I suppose since I haven’t been writing there’s plenty to talk about. This summer I took Jones for his very first hike. On the advice of a friend we headed out to Kananaskis to see Troll Falls. Allow me to paint a picture for you: I do not hike. Not regularly, at least. A couple of summers ago we hiked to Nihahi Ridge. (Suggested by hiking friends of ours… To sum the experience up in as few words as possible – consider the source when you take hiking recommendations. The walk up was good. We may have gotten lost on the way down. So the whole thing took way longer than it should have. And I recall that my toes were totally sore for a few days following.) Anyhow, I took Jonah to Troll Falls.
We started the day nice and early. I packed food and fruit snacks in a backpack. I also packed the Hoppediz just in case. I prepared him for the trek by talking about hiking and trees and oh! A waterfall! I had him at waterfall. On the way out to the mountains I stopped for gas (sure this sounds unimportant but it’s cute, I promise*.)
Fast forward to the parking lot, where we see this:
It just looked so… big. And distant.
It took a long long time. Frequent stops to look at bugs. He was obsessed with picking up every ant in sight. And then I told him that the ants were just going back to their mommies and daddies after a day out in the grass. Did not imagine that he would take off with that vision. Next thing I know, he’s picking them up and placing them back in the grass in an effort to reunite them with their families. Cute, yes, but time consuming when you’re just trying to get to the damn waterfall.
And then came the attitude check for me. It’s not about the destination, mom. So I eased up. And we went off the path, trolloped through the tall grasses. We sat down a few times. He rode on my shoulders when he got tired. We chased butterflies. We got lost. I know what you’re thinking: It’s a three km hike that’s rated easy for kids and grandparents. How on earth could you possibly have gotten lost? I have plenty of people in my life who will assure you that if there’s any possibility of getting lost, I will find it and take full advantage.
When I realized we were lost we turned around. Imagine explaining to a not-yet-three year old child why you are turning around when in fact he is right, you have not yet seen the waterfall that you came ALL THIS WAY to see. “Really, we are turning around, but we aren’t going back to the car. We just took a wrong turn.” He did not understand. I feel like taking him out there helped him understand. The complexity of taking a wrong turn isn’t something I can explain to him. It’s one of those things that he has to experience himself, and take the time to realize that the scenery isn’t what it was supposed to be, and that maybe this isn’t what we set out to find. So eventually he did get it when he saw that we *were* going to continue on, and not just return to the car like he though when I said the words “turn around.”
We met random bikers who let him climb on their bikes and pretend to ride. We saw OMGMOMMYDOGGYDOGGYDOGGY!!! We saw horse poop. As we got nearer to the end he got more and more tired. In fact he spent a good deal of the hike on my shoulders, which let-me-tell-you is *not* comfortable at all. Finally we got to a sign.
I was relieved when I saw it because it meant we were on the right path. However, jonah was not impressed and turned around, starting back down the hill. A kind kind mom who was returning from the falls asked me if it was ok to give him chocolate. Of course, perfect stranger, give us some candy. So she gave us a handful of peanut butter cups. And I bribed my child up that hill.
“You can have one now, and the other two when we get to the top.”
In the image above his hands are held to his mouth because he is having the best chocolate snack he’s ever had. And licking it off his fingers. Along with ant crap and dirt from the day’s fun. I held the rest of the chocolates in his hat when I realized that holding them in my hands was causing them to melt. To this day he still pretends there is chocolate in his hat.
We made it to the top and took some really awful pictures. He was cranky and looking for the rest of the bribe series when I was trying to get him to smile in that adorable way he does for the camera, so most of my pictures just look forced, like a bad christmas card.
We did get one that I like. It’s out of focus and the colors are weird, but it’s interesting. And it’s his first hike. Next year will be even better.
*He still remembers that particular gas station and everytime we stop there he asks if we are going on a hike to see the waterfall and butterflies.
Filed under Jonah | Comments OffI guess they all grow up sometime
This entry is not about how I am an internet stalker. I have this funny thing where I am constantly trying to explain to people that I’m not a stalker. That I just participate in different communities than many of my real life friends. But really does it matter? No. I will now stop being defensive about my online habits. Point of this entry: leta is all growed up. Almost.
I remember when she was born and I know I’m not the only one.
Heather says it all so perfectly, so I won’t even try.
But I wanted to write this to help me remember that every time I fight with jonah to get in the damn car already, that one day he will get in the car and drive himself away. And I will be lucky to get regular phone calls, because he could go and do what I’ve done and move to an entirely different country. So when he wakes up and forgets to pee in the toilet, is it really that big of a deal? Maybe if he cleaned it up himself…
